Poker is starting to make sense again.  There's an energy flow to it.  You have to be open to everybody's energies, if that makes any sense.  the game is about luck and hubris and humility and waiting your turn and riding the luck as long as it carries you.  Make yourself available to lady luck.  If you catch her eye, it's a very easy game.  It's when you and lady luck are having a spat that this game becomes hair pulling out excruciation.
     If you get to full of yourself poker will eat you alive.  You will tell yourself it's math, it's what the professional gamblers call "variance".  They have it down to a science.  They try to play scientifically.  Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't.  you cannot escape the predatory nature of the game.  The smartest person is likely to have the most money at the end if he is relatively lucky and follows his instincts.  At least that's what I'm going with now.  More later...

Beer and Loafing in Philadelphia

     As the last drops of beer are served here at the tail end of Beer Week in Philadelphia it is time to give Ye Olde Liver a break for a bit.  It was a hurricane of manliness here in Philly as both beer week and the CRC Collegiate National Sevens Tournament converged on the are last weekend.
     Festivities began at nine AM with the Hammer of the gods beginning it's route through the city, an appearance by the mayor and a photo shoot for calendar girls.  The hammer is used to knock the cork out of the inaugural first keg of firkin or whatever, just stop talking and let's toast already.  The hammer is then transported through the city by various modes of transportation to do the honors at other high level beer week festivities.   The various modes of transportation are certainly worth mentioning, but I wasn't that interested in tools.  Unfortunately this was just the first of many tools I had to endure to insure that the story got out.  Tools with legs.  A hardware stores worth
     The Rugby guys recruited Fast Eddy Rendell to be the speaker for their opening ceremonies.  He said all the right things about rugby and sounded a lot less like a nerd than poor Mayor Nutter. His name is bad enough, but  then he starts talking and he sounds like Steve Urkel?  Anyway, temps were in the 90's and what better way to spend it than running at top speed tackling and kicking other elite and not so elite athletes in the heat?
      That was the bright idea of the Florida Mastergators Rugby team,  They played an old boys team from Blackthorn and Schuykill exiles B side in a "friendly" match across the street from that Bermuda Triangle of diets, ninth and Wharton where you can choose between Pats,and Geno's  24 hours a day.  At kickoff it was 89 degrees.  Last year they played in the middle of a thunderstorm.  This year it was stifling heat.  It wasn't that "friendly" either.  Something about being forced to run around in the heat seemed to bring the nasty out of both sides.  the attitude  out there was clearly "if I'm going to collapse from heat prostration then I'm hurting someone before I succumb, much as last years motto was basically the same with the substitution of "Drown" in the sentence.  
     The Blackthorn old boys (who didn't really seem as old as the Florida guys) took care of Florida in the opening match, but Florida got the better of a thrown together Schuykill Exiles squad who were missing key players due to the beginning of sevens season.  The Exiles finished second in the country last year.   So what do three thirsty and sweaty teams do at the end of a brutal rugby game?  JC Dobbs where the host of the Gator's team and Florida Alumnus Guiseppi Pulizzi bought four kegs for the boys to enjoy which rapidly became five then six.  If Blackthorn is known for one thing it is their legendary consumption of fermented malt beverages.  That's the way to get their old boys team out on the road, promise never ending beer and make it a game where you aren't checking too many ID cards.  Blackthorns guys have jobs now, there are all millionaires or 350 pounds.  If you let them play their a-side, and it's not too far away you may get to see them!
     There was some lovely live music pumping at the Legendary Dobbs that evening and a great time was had by all.
    
       DATELINE Saturday, June 1,2013.  It's day 2 of Philadelphia beer week and I'm standing in front of Lorenzo and Sons Pizzeria at third and  south and watching a dude put letters up on the sign welcoming Philadelphia to The Swamp on the sign at Dobbs and talking about kegs and eggs with the rugby boys and the bus trip which the sign says starts at 7 am.  The mammoth security guard turned bartender yells at the sign guy that it starts at nine and the sign guy tells him to fuck off.   The bartender stopped last night on the way home to help someone who had an accident and he  in turn got rammed by a drunk .  We were lucky he got out of bed on no sleep and I would thank him by name if I could but I'm not that good of a reporter. 
      So it's beer week in Philadelphia and it's just me and the band and the buffet and Kevin from Blackthorn who also is taking the free bus trip to be a sign from go that we won't be getting a DUI today.  What beer are we drinking?  A rare and wonderful craft beer from Milwaukee that has gotten a lot of underground support from artists and people in the know in the beer world.  A beer so wonderful that it won a Blue Ribbon.  PBR.  Can Beer week get any sweeter than a free buffet, free PBR til 10;30 and live music?  I challenge you to describe a better time.  The band was a couple fellas with guitars that were doing pitch perfect capably strummed rock and roll covers.  Five times Famous is their moniker and they have what it takes from four previous blog entries about them.  they decided that the fifth time someone was going to blog about them that they were going to BLOW up.  BOOM!  These guys sing all the cool sing-along songs that alcoholics love to help with.  Nothing like bellowing Born to run at 10 am with a bar full of swamp people and half a load on.  See the free beer was running out in 30 minutes, so we had to take  an aggressive approach. 
       1130 rolls around and we get the got on the bus in their neon orange shirts that serve two purposes.  Beyond the visual specatacle of  a section of "so bright it almost hurts your eyes" supporters, these are also great for picking "lost sheep" out of a crowd.   Sheep tend to get lost on you when you mix the high temps and copious quantities of  beer.  When the bus stopped for the road beers of course I went in a repped PBC by picking up a few cases of Kenzinger for the VIP section in the back and some Beast Ice for the rest of the  crew,  They're from Florida.  Busch is big there.  Some of the old heads in the back had actually had  craft beer before and I wanted to make sure they had some of what is my favorite beer in the city.  Beast Ice was fine for  the young guys in the front of the bus  who were busily writing their names on their tee shirts with marker and asking the bus driver if we were there yet and complaining about needing to go potty and so  forth.  The temporary tattoos were a big hit with the crew from the front of the bus even though they had trouble pronouncing "Lorenzo's" they DID know the word pizza and were very pleased with themselves when they saw a word they knew and clapped and high fived and "yay-ed" the whole trip to Chester, where the rugby was.

 

       Here at Delusional Neanderthal headquarters we get alot of great ideas. 

       Then some new, shiny, bright idea catches our inner ravens eye, and it's on to the next one.....Well

 NEVERMORE!

 

        We are going to finish this if it kills us.  This website was supposed to be turned into a travel log.  So be it. 

 

    Evolution is a Bitch 2.0

Now with FOLLOW-THROUGH

 

(one last diversion b4 we start, wherein we lay blame on ann ancient way of thinking which detoured our evolution into a less linear mode)

       what a great distraction those zen books were about living in the moment, without ego.  I get some of it, some may not be for me, but the ego to write, thats the rub.   Who am i to advise?  no one listens to advice anyway.  hard learning is the only kind that really sticks, isn't it?

 

THE DELUSIONAL NEANDERTHAL MEETS SOME TRIANGLE LOVERS

 

 



  Dateline-WEST PHILLY- (Sometime in April).

 

        I am walking up Lancaster Avenue looking for Brewery, the bread place or that bike place with the good sandwiches.
I get confused in West Philly what with all the trolleys and the poverty twisted up with professors homes into a weird modern braid.
As I get into the 40's on Lancaster and it looks more and more like Nicetown and talk about irony, Nicetown is far from nice and Hello Kitty would never be able to live there.  They feed cats to pitbulls in Nicetown.

        Anyway, this is where the diversion usually diverts the thoughtstream and takes over, but this is EIB2.0 so we will focus on the TRIANGLES.  A memory spraked about this avenue being the one with the OTHER anarchist encleve, the one with the cute librarian and the computers and Baltimore Avenue is the one with all the stuff I was looking for, so I turned around.  On my way back towards the dream that I live in I saw a magnificent building perched on the apex of the very scalene triangle that is Hamilton and Lancaster.  Tiberino Territory.  There are cool ornate carvings on the place and it looks very much like it was once a posh and happening spot. 

        I'm admiring the faux columns and there's a flashing beer sign and I decide to conduct the next part of the investigation from a barstool.  I ask the bartender about the building, what was it backin the day, its a really cool looking , impressive place.  He doesn't know anything about it. 

       "It looks like they are doing work inside the place, I hope it's not being turned into more condos for college kidS." I say
       "I dunno, you want something to drink? "
        "What do you have for the alcoholic on a budget?"
        "Didn't you see the sign in the window? Butch is Back, Dollar High Life 1-6"
        "Honey I'm Home!

         A little slice of heaven on a sweaty afternoon.  The beer is ice cold.  I buy a round.  3 bucks.  Life is good.

         I can get to noon without getting too thirsty.  This place seemed perfect for me.  After wrestling with words for a few hours in the morning, writing resume's full of half truths and applying for jobs I'm never going to get once they run that credit check I get kind of thirsty.  Living the dream is thirsty work.  Sometime  I get an interview, but then they see the hair and realize that there was some creative writing beig done on my resume and I'm politely rebuffed.  People are polite to me because I weigh 292 pounds and look like my name could be "Bubba."  Like i'm ready to do some pig wrasslin.  Hide the whiskey. 

        It turns out there's a stage in the place and I start to get excited.  A stage I can walk to and me with notebooks full of bad ideas!
The place is called Hawthorne Hall and is part of the "Hidden City" art festival running through June 20.  I hear from a little birdy that I can get in for free on Thursday all day.  Works for me.  I roll into the place just as it seems like they are opening up.  The guy behind the ticket window explains the whole deal to me and theres literature.  The dirty hippies I sat next to last week at the bar who told me about the stage and their restoration of it didn't mention Triangles.  There were triangles all over this place, I found, as I wandered around and poked my head into any opening or stairwell I could.  I love funky old buildings and this one had a history behind it. 

        On the second floor I noticed ladies in diaphonous flowing Gatsby-esque outfits getting ready to start being living art.  The Delusional Neanderthal approves of women becoming living art, it's something he has always beeen a staunch supporter of.  But being as I was in Bubba mode I didn't want to scare the hotties so I just popped into stairwells and found a beautiful back room full of tiny little triangles and drawings and museum quality relics speaking to the many people who had used this building.  There were wide leather straps with hooks which could be used in many applications, tiny little glass knick knacks, triangles within triangles within triangles, things you could feel the cosmic weight of.  Things that were important at one time, now out of context, things that were carefully put in a closet for safekeeping and forgotten for 75 years.  Sealed in a trunk in the attic.

      The Attic of this place was wild indeed.  A kind of Dega-ish Last Supper.  Full place settings for thrity or so on a weird angle  into the distance, like n art school painitng with bad use of perspective some to life.  Walking through what look like cabinets one enters a modern gallery of photos of the living art on the other side of the door posing with some of what must be the stuff they dug out of this place and painted.  Theyhave done some interesing things in here with the light and I may have to go back and take the full ride because there has been alot of thought put into this.  Reading up on the litereature this is an interactive display and one has to go through some sort of initiation and guided sensory meditation and I'm kind of glad I missed that just because I tend to try soak up the spotlight when I am confined in a room.  It just happens.  I try to be a spectator, but I get impulses and my inner joker becomes unrestrainable.  You try walking around with a restless brain, I have a condition, I can't help it.

     On the way out I saw a table full of ID cards for the "secret society of Pythagorus" and then all the triangles started to make sense.
If I was the kind of person that carried a wallet this is the kind of cool crap I'd like to keep in my wallet.    There are apparently nine funky old spots like this scattered around the city.  I'm going to definitely hit up the waterworkd next thursday and Definitely have to hit the Fort, which looks cool as all get out.  There is also a place where you get to knit something and that sounds like interactive fun that will be useful when the banks decide to turn the lights off on us and the Zombie Apocalypse happens so I'm definitely going to have to learn to knit for survival. 



    
     

do not ask me how it happened,

but someone is actually paying me to write for them,

 which makes me a .................................................................working author.

who would have ever figured out that i could pull a scam like this off?

seriously.

Im not organized.

I am full of shit.

my idea of poetry is hitting the enter key

in the middle of sentences and ellipsese....i love me some ellipses....

my editing skills are vestigial(unless you pay me)

I never finish anything, (unless prompted to by an offer of payment.)

Its funny what happens when somone offers me money.

I start writing in complete sentences.  I start making sense.  I use spell-check.  And they pay me!

Money that I will spend at organic foodstores, Vegan coffee shops, retaurants owned by my friends.

People who have helped me will be invited to parties.

I can spend it as fast as they send it to me.

Just watch me!

of course i will save some for uncle sam. 

 he gets his cut.

i want to be able to say I paid for that drone

i helped kill those four americans by accident

 

I paid for that west virginia hillbillies foodstamps

foodstamps which he sold at .45 cents on the dollar to the capitalist running the newest version of the company store. 

feeding on the bones of those hillbillies too stubborn to leave their family parcel,

 as the streams dissappear or fill with toxins, as mountain tops cease to exist and valleys are filled in.

 

i paid for that senator to make a heroic stand against the wishes of the vast majority of his constituents

 

i bought half of grannies medicare sponsoredhyper tension pill

I BAILED OUT THAT BANK so they could show a profit

so they wouldnt take their ball and go home

their ball being the economy

pinch me, Im living the dream!

on second thought don't.

i don't want to wake up!

the countdown is on now....how long before i fuck up the LATEST perfect job?

 

 

 

I have two things I have to work with off line and present all at once.
Working with an editor!

Most of this was another of those premature ejaculations.
A wet dream.

Concentrating efforts on www.sendaresumeaphobia.blogspot.com

progress, regress
one step forward, two steps back
been there done that
can't go back, the bridge has been burnt
it seemed like a good idea at the time

strategic thinking?
bosh, piffle
o bother siaid pooh
why bother, said me

this is america baybee
land of opportunity
surely there is some job out there

stick to the plan, the vision
the vision is utopian so its a little hard to see in these times
many non-utopian distractions.
they want to sell you the remedy for your unease
and create more
thats what the jerks in schools call a "bidness model"

their capitalist fantasies dominate the airwaves, if you clear your mind it's easy to see their bullshit
caveat emptor
the words that destroyed this paradise
the fruit of the forbidden tree
ignorant, and naked and afraid of bears
that's the life
but someone had to go get educated
someone thought with their great brain that they deserved more
and plotted and planned and 5000 years of civilization later, here we are

trying to scrape the last remaining swatches of green off the planet
the cities are asylums
mobs waiting to be whipped into a frenzy, should one of their cherished ideals be trampled

pavlovian conditioning still holding
greed still a powerful motivator
no notion of plenty
its harder to destroy the ocean than we thought, but we are almost there
we should be proud of our accomplishment
genocidal experts we throw parades for murderers

 why not a parade for the man that killed the ocean?

brought to you by dow, the bee killing people

have you poisoned your planet today?
then you aren't a true citizen
get out there and rape a redwood
sodomize a salmon
what are you waiting for, get you one fer they all gone




 

     The vegetarian Neanderthal accidentally applies for a job at a Meat Centric restaurant.  Having been tired of sending resume's off into oblivion, he has lately been spicing things up in his query letters, piling the bullshit higher than a fat dude piles king crab legs at the all you can eat buffet.  Apparently this bar needs a "character" behind the bar.  Or they are just looking for awesome.   I'm especially fond of my new resume feature, reason for leaving the job ( in parenthesis)  My thinking ws that this would cut thru the shit and save time. for everyone involved. 

Subject: say hello to your new head bartender!

I've been working at a neighborhood bar as a fill in and was doing banquet bartending at the Constitution center until they asked me to cut my hair. I need my hair the length it is for a reality show I may get into and because women dig it. Its like Mickey Rourkes in the wrestler and Iron man and it get the conversations flowing. I am also working on a line of BS about needing the hair long for my new line of Romance novels where I play "Flabbio" which the women don't dig but for some reason is a hit with the gays, something about being a bear? I'm the friendliest guy in the world and give me a month and I will have people dropping by to see me to hear about my trip west where I was going on audtions and sleeping under redwoods and up in the mountains. I just got back from an extensive vacation and am ready to get back behind the bar. I played for three local rugby teams and represented our country at the 2008 Rugby League world cup, that was a blast! I worked on the 2010 census and in 7 different public schoosl in the city. That's alot of people who want to catch up with me and now will have a place to do so. I'll be bombing the heck out of facebook as soon as I'm hired. It would be like hiring another manager when you hire me because I'm just friggin awesome and there something in me that needs to be the best. When can I come by and show you how awesome I am? heres a resume that barely begins to describe my awesomeness!   EMPLOYMENT HISTORY------------------------------- (reason for leaving job in paraenthesis) Neanderthal Nanny- June 2012-present- • I took care of a delightful, intelligent 2 year old.           (was part time only and love doesnt pay the bills even though her mom is hot) Banquet Bartender at the Philadelphia Constitution Center,     (told me to cut hair, i told him my girl liked it long) DHC Construction, Flagger Oct. 2011- June 2012                (guy told me to stand in direct sun) • OSHA 30 hour construction industry certificate US Census Payroll- 2010 (census)                                                                                           (census ended) • Interviewed applicants, data entry, removed payday roadblocks for angry workers Tennis coach- Germantown Friends- and Friends Select 2008-2012                                      (rich kids are annoying) • CPR certified valid until June 2013 Warehouse, Sales2007-2008 Johnstone Supply, Philadelphia, PA                                                       (promoted me) • Shipping, receiving, UPS, comprehensive inventory • Forklift, cherry picker, pallet jack • Deliveries Middle School Teacher1993-2005 Philadelphia School District                                                 (13 years in the hood was enough) • Wrote grants, established urban gardening program, recycling program • Building , climate, safety committees, coaching, Technology team In Store Trainer/Bartender 1987-1992 TGI Friday's                                                                           (turned 30, was teaching) • In Store Trainer- Bar-Waiter-bus-expo • Worked at many East Coast locations as a troubleshooter/sales builder EDUCATION • Bachelor of Arts- Certification in Elementary/Early Childhood Education1993- CUM LAUDE

 

wrapped in a comfortable blanket of failure, i avoid the dawn
the dawn that i used to herald
no longer do i get things done
ive lost motivation
I chose to be a genetic deadend
unless theres a little bastard out there somewhere, my plan succceded
what reason is there for me now?
to be the hilarious uncle?

the other day while pissing on the side of the interstate
cars whoosing by like star wars
70 mph gets you passed on thie freeway
70 is slow
tha car shakes every time someone whizzes past
late to a job they hate
scurrying like ants under a magnifying glass
so, so busy
so, so insane

what if i can spot the biggest asshole driver in the world heading my way
a step to the right
hes not in the picture anymore
cartwheeling metallic mayhem
one for mother nature
and they write songs about me
the kinds of songs with an infectuos hook
and soon people drive safer all over the country
my legacy
saint of the freeway

 

A five hour Buy-Ku
energy for lunch, huggies,
(men write songs and play)

women are practical
chores to do, babies to tend
men need adventure

"have fun in the world
hun!" chirps the peppy housewife
(shes poisoning him)

The implied husband
out writing bestselling books
"you son pooed. honey"








 

im amazed at how beautiful a world this is!
eternally grateful for everry breath of sweet sweet air

it cant ALL be luck, can it?

the secret is to always be helping people

a kind word here, a new fence there, a service rendered

service your fellow human being and the world gets alittle bit better for that being
repeat

soon the whole world is happy

find your bliss

if you are a careful observer you will find yourself tripping all over the place

coming to you LIVE!
from the bliss filled streets of philadelphia







 

"Elephant you!'
"Elephant you,too!"

The detective grabs a pipe cleaner.  Puts on his funny looking hat.
His bloodhound looks hopefully up from his paws and thumps his tail on the floor.
The pipe means it's thinking time.  Time to burn some flowers and fabricate some plausible reality.....

I sit in this coffee shop every morning because the owners are hotties and they allow dogs.  It's good for business too.  Im a problem solver.  In Utero cannibis did something to my brain earrly on.  The world holds no mysteries for me except love.  But knowing that love is both the solution to most problems as well as the cause of them has allowed me pinpoint focus.  It's usually just a matter of finding out what or who the person loves most and starting from there.  Since people lie to themselves as often as they breathe for mental clarity I will burn some female reproductive organs of the Indica strain and think on it.  Sativa tends to Zombify me.  I got work to do today.

The subject is an elfin resident of the city of brotherly love.  He takes this love of his brother man to a physical level and it's his hirsuite lover, I reckon, that is heading out the door with all this elephant jive.  I thus reckon this because no two men talk that excitedly together in sing song voices unless they are deeply in manlove with each other.  The level of affection is of course their own business and I'm happy to see that they living on the fun side of love mountain.  Thier lovetrip in full bloom.  The question before us is what the hell has it got to do with Pachyderms?  Are these Pachyderms Indian or Asian?

I tend to drift when I'm smoking flowerbuds, so i take notes on little index cards I carry with me.  The type of elepahnt isn't really the issue here, that's third or fourth level thinking.  What is the easiest explanation for this mystery? 

ManLove, elephants, delicious Elvis sandwich for breakfast at the Red Hook Cafe' with vegetarian bacon.  late for poker dealer school, haerst diamonds clubs, breakfast club, Judd Nelson, whatever happened to him?, "Claire, would you ever date anyone with elephantiasis of the nuts?"  Nuts, ManLove Elvis, N.M.E., Enemy Mine, Lou Gosset Junior, Public Enemy, public hair, pubic hair, trumpeting elephants, love trumpet...oh shit, they can't POSSIBLY be referring to their genitalia and EWWW....

The Bear and the elf laughing about what each others manparts resmeble and paying homage to each other in public....
they can't very well say "I enjoy and admire your erection, fuck buddy" now can they???  They are subtle and clever and penetrating prime time, first with will and grace., and now the verbal lexicon, making all refernces to elephants instantly gay and hilarious.....

Or i could have heard them wrong and Im just chasing my tail again.....
time to go to school




 

its easy to spot the canadians at a poker table in vegas
there are, as they say in poker, tells
standoff ish ness is one clue
they keep to themselves from long winters alone
holed up behind thiick insulating walls
huddling closer to the seal skin lamp which provides both light and heat
the faint smell of seal oil never leaves thier pores completely
stand next to danile negranu sometime and take a whiff
the patchouli he wears almost does the trick
but it still registers on the palate
a mix of king crab, jellyfish and herring that once smelled can never be unsmelled

another canadian tell is that they are the highest ones at the table
right after you notice the seal oil smell you get hit with the cloud of recently smoked pot that is sticking to their clothing like the dirt followed pig pen in the peanuts cartoon
they got that good stuff up there in BC
grown by ameircan draft dodging hippies and exchanged in leiu of rent
they have free weed stations at the public restrooms in candinadia
this glout of hi grade pot is why their governemnt feels they can get away with anything
and conrad black could only exist in a place where everyone is zoning out 24 hours a day

maybe this is why they take bad beats so well
thats poker, eh? they say as they get up and smile graciously
wishing the table luck and saying goodbyr to the other canadians in the room
lets go oot later, eh?
yaa yaa

a rush tee shirt is a dead giveaway
as are the ubiquitous aviator shades
top gun is still the best movie a canadian has ever scene
they have festivals up there
the ottowa "ice man" festival is the largest movie dress up carnival in canadinadia
val kilmer can't get through the airports up there
one tellt hais100percnt on is when a canadindian is on a draw you can hear him humming
"highway to the dangerzone"

the last tell i will share with you is they are all stuck up
male and female alike
i flirst with them and they don't flirt back
they know im using them for citizenship
gay marraige is ok up there
id live in a loveless sham gay marraige just to play pokerstars in my undies again
i miss you so much pokerstars!
 

driving the PCH in the middle of the night
pitch black
the mountains block all traces of light pollution
starlight dazzling

riding with the moon roof open, listening to the surf
crashing in some spots
muted in others
the car awash in pine with a hint of sea

i pull over three times to stare into ebon eternity
listening to the quiet trees
something steps on a stick and im not alone

i tell the forest i have a midnight meeting with a mr sasquatch
hes running late. replies the rustling wind
thats ok, i dont mind waiting

its chilly up here halfway up a mountain
75 miles form civilization

i get in the car snd drive the winding road
the mighty pacific coast highway
darling of the automobile advertisers of america

i push the rental car a little and jam some zepplin on the dark highway
in and out, up and down the raggedy coastline
in a bluelit startrek cockpit im bellowing  the lyrics
 VALHALLA
I AM COMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG

i skid thru a sharper than expected turn, lightly grazing the guardrail with my rear light
my herat hammers as i put the flashers on and inspect the skidmarks and notice that this part of the road is above the treetops on the mountain below
i hit that turn a little faster and im in a tree
starving to death slowly

the zepplin song is meant to play on the soundtrack when I fee fall towards the rocks and surf below
front end slowly aimling straight down as the motor drags me to meet my valkyrie soulmate

but my timing is off
im not neanderthal james dean
ive got redwoods to sleep under and bigfeet to meet
after days and days of kamikaze 85 MPH california freeway driving i make my snails way up and down the PCH for 6 hours
seeing four or five cars every fifteen minutes
 

its never as bad as they say it is...

i question their motives
this annonymus "they" who seem bent on making us miserable

us as in the inner circle
people you can depend on
what did that fossil mick jagger say?
weee all need, someone. we can lean on...

there is power in helping others
give and take
a time of the season for all of it,
just a meatter of perspective

yeah this is a bullshit, scary world
and there are a few ways to deal with the fear
you can hide yourself away from the world and hope it gets better
but the actions cancel out
hope and hiding are different ddirections

do your worst world!
i will die laughing in your face

old Neanderthals lived to their 30"s
35 was sabre tooth tiger meat
thats the guy in the cave with the paint
hiding from sabre tooth tigers
painting himself spearing a mastadon
wowing the other neandertallus with this painting magick of his
neanderthals who feared and respected this visionary wizard
nenaderthals who had never known a world without this Schwartzenneggian beast
he liked running things from the cave
liked resting on his badass laurels
but the tiger was still out there
with that immortal symmetry, commom to the species

some questions, caveman.....
what are you hiding from?
what is your tiger?
aging caveman what are you painting on the walls today?




 

new writing direction...

ITEM ONE.This neanderthal magazine is going to try to turn a profit so if you want to buy and ad get to me soon beofre i talk to a few close friends who want the close freind discount. -this week editing and pricing
                                                                               -next week get bukowskaholic up and running,
                                                                                plan party,
                                                                                2nd mag edition, a magazine every week that i work on...hopefully

    goal # 1 volunteer for other small presses to get idea possibly invest together on a for profit dirt bag/neanderthal/dyke/music/lo   
fi/mag or series of mags...

    make more each time with goal to store the unsod ones in a storage locker and auction those lockers off....stash journals away
     turn them into saleable words right infront of the world...if there isnt an "IM charles bukowsi" competition its high time there was....

the hits keep coming....find a partner , call it bukowskaholic enterprises, this is the last of neanderthal industries free entertainment dfor the masses division.  im starting my career as an alchemist.  turing my thoughts into things.  things that have a value but would rather be traded to you for a night on your couch.  each magazine a travelog of where i was just staying....
fictional interludes include
the stewardess and the tennis coach
neanderthal nanny

    I loaded up on some Redbox picks to ride out the snow and was hit with alien goo from every direction.  Coincidence?  Or secret massive alien goo conspiracy?
    In the first film I viewed there was an expectation going in that there would be alien goo dripping from some scary monsters.  Prometheus did not disappoint, following the tradtional Ridley Scott Aliens roadmap of a slow build up, menacing machine man, a scary dark outerspace setting, fantastic mansters and a nealyr naked women in distress.  There was also a metaphorical alien goo scene to open the movie when an eight and a half foot albino alien mesomorph with completely black eyes take a sip of Jaegermeister and impregnates the planet Earth.  I dug this flick alot, I'm a sucker for hot women in distress, the science was interesting and it was a great start to my day of avoiding Mother Nature's latest reminder that we are really fucking the world up.  The next bit of goo was unexpected and unsettling and I didn't really notice the pattern until goo mive 3 in my marathon.
     "Ted" started out boring with Jean Luc Picard setting up the story in fairy tale fashion as the narrator.  Marky Mark apprently was a kid so low on the pecking order in Boston that the "yamacuh boy" who was being racially profiled and beaten took time from his beating to shoo the young New Kid on the Block away from his beating.  It's a shame when the funniest scene in a movie is in ttroduction, but maybe Seth Macfarlane should stick to Quoahog animation, or hire a funnier dude to be the lead, who got out acted by a stuffed animal for most of the movie.  Even Flash Gordon couldn't save this lame fest.  Ok there was one other funny line a throwaway with the bear contemplating writing a complaint letter to Hasbro about not having a working male organ, but maybe that's the sequel, "Teddy Bear with a Boner"?  The subtle goo in this film was whent the bear did a simulated bukake' scene with hand sanitizer.  Hope that too many kid's dont get too truamatized for life when they watch the movie with the talking teddy bear, but maybe that's Seth's reason for making entertainment, a twisted "scared straight" program?
    The third movie dragged the sinister "alien goo conspiracy" out into the daylight.  In a wonderful example of hiding a conspiracy in plain sight, the chubby fat kid that does all those bisexual grooming comedies links Nickelodeon's sliming to the topic of this essay to the delight of preists and other secret pedophiles everywhere.  Maybe I'm losing my common touch, my earthy humor or maybe my testosterone levels are rapidly declining, but this new goo-centric genre just dosn't make me snicker.  The new forntier of the dick joke?  At least when Woody Allen was playing a sperm it was tasteful and understated.   John Cleese lecturing on human reproduction covered some of the same of the same territiry without being crass aoubt it.  Implying that Nickelodeon is some green alien cum drenched pornography for spaece aliens and people who like to watch them fuck our kids is certainly drone worthy?  Someone?  Send a drone to that screenwriter's home Obama or he's going to write your kids into one of his next movies, and it will be too late then!  I refuse to contaminate my computer with the scenes where they went too far, I love a good cannibalism joke and sang rugby songs abot all manner of sexual deviation in that classic song "the S and M man", because he mixes it with love or "drinking kool aid with Jim Jones", but sheesh, cum aint so funny you should spend 30 minutes paddling around in pools of it, should we? 
     The fourth movie was a little more subtle with it's refernce to alien goo.  Very subtle.  Colin Ferrel stars in this softcore gay porn recreating a Phillip K Dick story, "We can Remeber it for you Wholesale."  In this movie the Scottish(?) eye candy is either shirtless or wearing a soaking wet skin tight shirt tee for over half of the movie.  I guess this is the alien goo quivalent of Sport's Illustrated's swim suit catalog.  That sexiest scot since Connery was Bond was so lovingly filled that i may have "MOVED JERRY (it may have)  MOVED!"  I knOOOOOOOOOOw, jeffery i know.....
     This has been a public service announcement from Neanderthal Enterprises, Inc.