do not ask me how it happened,

but someone is actually paying me to write for them,

 which makes me a .................................................................working author.

who would have ever figured out that i could pull a scam like this off?

seriously.

Im not organized.

I am full of shit.

my idea of poetry is hitting the enter key

in the middle of sentences and ellipsese....i love me some ellipses....

my editing skills are vestigial(unless you pay me)

I never finish anything, (unless prompted to by an offer of payment.)

Its funny what happens when somone offers me money.

I start writing in complete sentences.  I start making sense.  I use spell-check.  And they pay me!

Money that I will spend at organic foodstores, Vegan coffee shops, retaurants owned by my friends.

People who have helped me will be invited to parties.

I can spend it as fast as they send it to me.

Just watch me!

of course i will save some for uncle sam. 

 he gets his cut.

i want to be able to say I paid for that drone

i helped kill those four americans by accident

 

I paid for that west virginia hillbillies foodstamps

foodstamps which he sold at .45 cents on the dollar to the capitalist running the newest version of the company store. 

feeding on the bones of those hillbillies too stubborn to leave their family parcel,

 as the streams dissappear or fill with toxins, as mountain tops cease to exist and valleys are filled in.

 

i paid for that senator to make a heroic stand against the wishes of the vast majority of his constituents

 

i bought half of grannies medicare sponsoredhyper tension pill

I BAILED OUT THAT BANK so they could show a profit

so they wouldnt take their ball and go home

their ball being the economy

pinch me, Im living the dream!

on second thought don't.

i don't want to wake up!

the countdown is on now....how long before i fuck up the LATEST perfect job?

 

 

 

I have two things I have to work with off line and present all at once.
Working with an editor!

Most of this was another of those premature ejaculations.
A wet dream.

Concentrating efforts on www.sendaresumeaphobia.blogspot.com

progress, regress
one step forward, two steps back
been there done that
can't go back, the bridge has been burnt
it seemed like a good idea at the time

strategic thinking?
bosh, piffle
o bother siaid pooh
why bother, said me

this is america baybee
land of opportunity
surely there is some job out there

stick to the plan, the vision
the vision is utopian so its a little hard to see in these times
many non-utopian distractions.
they want to sell you the remedy for your unease
and create more
thats what the jerks in schools call a "bidness model"

their capitalist fantasies dominate the airwaves, if you clear your mind it's easy to see their bullshit
caveat emptor
the words that destroyed this paradise
the fruit of the forbidden tree
ignorant, and naked and afraid of bears
that's the life
but someone had to go get educated
someone thought with their great brain that they deserved more
and plotted and planned and 5000 years of civilization later, here we are

trying to scrape the last remaining swatches of green off the planet
the cities are asylums
mobs waiting to be whipped into a frenzy, should one of their cherished ideals be trampled

pavlovian conditioning still holding
greed still a powerful motivator
no notion of plenty
its harder to destroy the ocean than we thought, but we are almost there
we should be proud of our accomplishment
genocidal experts we throw parades for murderers

 why not a parade for the man that killed the ocean?

brought to you by dow, the bee killing people

have you poisoned your planet today?
then you aren't a true citizen
get out there and rape a redwood
sodomize a salmon
what are you waiting for, get you one fer they all gone




 

     The vegetarian Neanderthal accidentally applies for a job at a Meat Centric restaurant.  Having been tired of sending resume's off into oblivion, he has lately been spicing things up in his query letters, piling the bullshit higher than a fat dude piles king crab legs at the all you can eat buffet.  Apparently this bar needs a "character" behind the bar.  Or they are just looking for awesome.   I'm especially fond of my new resume feature, reason for leaving the job ( in parenthesis)  My thinking ws that this would cut thru the shit and save time. for everyone involved. 

Subject: say hello to your new head bartender!

I've been working at a neighborhood bar as a fill in and was doing banquet bartending at the Constitution center until they asked me to cut my hair. I need my hair the length it is for a reality show I may get into and because women dig it. Its like Mickey Rourkes in the wrestler and Iron man and it get the conversations flowing. I am also working on a line of BS about needing the hair long for my new line of Romance novels where I play "Flabbio" which the women don't dig but for some reason is a hit with the gays, something about being a bear? I'm the friendliest guy in the world and give me a month and I will have people dropping by to see me to hear about my trip west where I was going on audtions and sleeping under redwoods and up in the mountains. I just got back from an extensive vacation and am ready to get back behind the bar. I played for three local rugby teams and represented our country at the 2008 Rugby League world cup, that was a blast! I worked on the 2010 census and in 7 different public schoosl in the city. That's alot of people who want to catch up with me and now will have a place to do so. I'll be bombing the heck out of facebook as soon as I'm hired. It would be like hiring another manager when you hire me because I'm just friggin awesome and there something in me that needs to be the best. When can I come by and show you how awesome I am? heres a resume that barely begins to describe my awesomeness!   EMPLOYMENT HISTORY------------------------------- (reason for leaving job in paraenthesis) Neanderthal Nanny- June 2012-present- • I took care of a delightful, intelligent 2 year old.           (was part time only and love doesnt pay the bills even though her mom is hot) Banquet Bartender at the Philadelphia Constitution Center,     (told me to cut hair, i told him my girl liked it long) DHC Construction, Flagger Oct. 2011- June 2012                (guy told me to stand in direct sun) • OSHA 30 hour construction industry certificate US Census Payroll- 2010 (census)                                                                                           (census ended) • Interviewed applicants, data entry, removed payday roadblocks for angry workers Tennis coach- Germantown Friends- and Friends Select 2008-2012                                      (rich kids are annoying) • CPR certified valid until June 2013 Warehouse, Sales2007-2008 Johnstone Supply, Philadelphia, PA                                                       (promoted me) • Shipping, receiving, UPS, comprehensive inventory • Forklift, cherry picker, pallet jack • Deliveries Middle School Teacher1993-2005 Philadelphia School District                                                 (13 years in the hood was enough) • Wrote grants, established urban gardening program, recycling program • Building , climate, safety committees, coaching, Technology team In Store Trainer/Bartender 1987-1992 TGI Friday's                                                                           (turned 30, was teaching) • In Store Trainer- Bar-Waiter-bus-expo • Worked at many East Coast locations as a troubleshooter/sales builder EDUCATION • Bachelor of Arts- Certification in Elementary/Early Childhood Education1993- CUM LAUDE

 

wrapped in a comfortable blanket of failure, i avoid the dawn
the dawn that i used to herald
no longer do i get things done
ive lost motivation
I chose to be a genetic deadend
unless theres a little bastard out there somewhere, my plan succceded
what reason is there for me now?
to be the hilarious uncle?

the other day while pissing on the side of the interstate
cars whoosing by like star wars
70 mph gets you passed on thie freeway
70 is slow
tha car shakes every time someone whizzes past
late to a job they hate
scurrying like ants under a magnifying glass
so, so busy
so, so insane

what if i can spot the biggest asshole driver in the world heading my way
a step to the right
hes not in the picture anymore
cartwheeling metallic mayhem
one for mother nature
and they write songs about me
the kinds of songs with an infectuos hook
and soon people drive safer all over the country
my legacy
saint of the freeway