Evolution is a bitch: the peace ape

The rage machine dwindles and shimmers on the horizon, always a tiny dot in my rear-view, or just over that far hill.

The reptilian brain. The oldest part of sentience, the first thing that is truly ours. Rage.

Raging as you wake up hungry in a wet diaper, cold, some hippy left the window open after they burned the lentils again. Sharing the rage with the world at the top of your tiny but expressive lungs.

Getting into it now as you hear them coming for you, to shut you up with lies about love. Well, this time they are going to hear the full story, feel it's dark cavernous empty depths, respect my authority!

"There, there baby, you are all wet you little silly-pants, Aww!" A nipple in my mouth shuts up an awful lot of my rage and why is it so easy to get me in line with a promise of a full belly like this mouthful right here and life is in the moment, baby, and this is starting to get good with the bouncing and let's see where she's going with this, I'm STILL mad, YO.... Just sayn.

Resistance starts to fade, can't we all just get along, but no, they will never learn if you cave in this easily, stand up for our rage rights baby boy, resist the rocking and the cooing and what is this awful trick? This is a rubber nipple, not a bottle tip! I refuse to be pacified so easily, you had better call in for an airstrike, get your napalm buddy, because this baby rage is entrenched!

Another be-diapered terrorist cell becomes activated.

The torture never stops.

the peace ape

us neanderthals like to keep it simple
we would rather hide in the woods
than go crazy in the city
you can keep the concrete

when we refused to evolve into warriors they hunted us down
they didnt get us all
there are still some quasi neanderthallus out there
with their own religion and definition of love
with a healthy respect for the sun

warriors for peace
like tha new ads for the navy say
the ones that seem like they were written by trey parker
absurd is everyday in this world
so im headed into the boonies for a while
im going to get around and say my goodbyes
looking for a nice deep cave ...

or is this just an over extended love metaphor?
are you my love cave?

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Gambling the Neanderthal Way

Hello and welcome to my little corner of the Universe. A little about me. I broke three bookies in South Philadelphia with my Baseball moneyline Parlays. They don’t take my bets anymore, even when they are messing with the lines. I’m just that lucky. Unfortunately I’m not nearly clever enough to open an illegal online betting account because I live in the USA, and I’m stuck in Pennsylvania for a couple more years. I am dangerously close to having to get a real job. That’s why I was thrilled when the owners of this site told me that they would be happy to pay me when I won and castigate me when I lose. Sounds like we are back in the game, ladies and gentlemen!

I intend to give you three plays a day that I propose you bet as follows, in 5 unit increments.

I intend to start looking at the horse racing leading up to the breeders cup in the fall. I was in Cali for last years , but there was no way I was attending it live, the whole town stunk of Pilates, vegetarians and seven dollar beers. I am sure Santa Anita is happy that my Neanderthal behind stayed out of their pleasure paradise, but it was a lot more fun for me to bet my pupu platter of Euro Invaders, hot trainers and names that the universe was smiling upon from the poker tables at Hollywood Park than it was to pay the prohibitive admission and ridiculous parking fees which instead I put on the table. Even though the bet runner girls were inattentive I still scored a nice three figure payday on Saturday and Sunday so there ya go, there’s my bonifides for horses.

The NFL is where I need to hit every third week to stay ahead of the man. I am all about putting my money to work for me and the power of the parlay. One five teamer can make my month if it’s the right five teams! I look forward to putting a few more bookies out of business. That’s what I do, I keep it simple, and if someone thinks they are luckier than me they are probably right, most days, but on my best days I’m signing tax forms and laughing my way to the single mother support center over by the airport where a man with a pocket full of loot can feel pretty for a few hours.

Gambling the Neanderthal Way- Picks-MLB-Friday, June 28,2013

5 unit 3 team parlay Take Baltimore(-117) Pittsburg (-189) and the Mets (-157)

The Nats are just awesome and have a great looking lineup, but the Mets have their sizzling hot Ace Matt Harvey on the mound and this may be the only competitive game that they play against the Nats. I’m not saying professional athletes have different gears or play any less than 100 percent at all times, or maybe I am. The New York Crowd will cheer every strike in this one and the energy will lift the home team to victory. The Nats will be over confident and Jason Werth will be thinking about the nightlife and mailing it in. I will also wager 5 units on the Mets to win straight up.

Similarly Pittsburg has their western PA equivalent of an ace on the mound in Rookie Sensation Gerrit Cole. This battle of the rookie pitchers goes to the home team on this night. I also like that Ryan Braun is out of the lineup for the Brewers. Again you should also Take Pitts straight up for 5 units.

The third bet is to again take the underdog home team, but this time with the unknown Rookie pitcher. The Yankees haven’t seen enough of TJ McFarland to have a book and him and the rook will be pumped by the start against the hated rival. Look and listen for New York Yankee fans who drove down to Baltimore getting the crap kicked out of them by the Baltimore Faithful. TJ threw 2 innings against the Yankees striking three out and I am looking for that trend to continue. Baltimore can’t afford to lose tonight so again I am putting 5 units on them to win as well.

Evolution is a bitch

the peace ape

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