I loaded up on some Redbox picks to ride out the snow and was hit with alien goo from every direction. Coincidence? Or secret massive alien goo conspiracy?
In the first film I viewed there was an expectation going in that there would be alien goo dripping from some scary monsters. Prometheus did not disappoint, following the tradtional Ridley Scott Aliens roadmap of a slow build up, menacing machine man, a scary dark outerspace setting, fantastic mansters and a nealyr naked women in distress. There was also a metaphorical alien goo scene to open the movie when an eight and a half foot albino alien mesomorph with completely black eyes take a sip of Jaegermeister and impregnates the planet Earth. I dug this flick alot, I'm a sucker for hot women in distress, the science was interesting and it was a great start to my day of avoiding Mother Nature's latest reminder that we are really fucking the world up. The next bit of goo was unexpected and unsettling and I didn't really notice the pattern until goo mive 3 in my marathon.
"Ted" started out boring with Jean Luc Picard setting up the story in fairy tale fashion as the narrator. Marky Mark apprently was a kid so low on the pecking order in Boston that the "yamacuh boy" who was being racially profiled and beaten took time from his beating to shoo the young New Kid on the Block away from his beating. It's a shame when the funniest scene in a movie is in ttroduction, but maybe Seth Macfarlane should stick to Quoahog animation, or hire a funnier dude to be the lead, who got out acted by a stuffed animal for most of the movie. Even Flash Gordon couldn't save this lame fest. Ok there was one other funny line a throwaway with the bear contemplating writing a complaint letter to Hasbro about not having a working male organ, but maybe that's the sequel, "Teddy Bear with a Boner"? The subtle goo in this film was whent the bear did a simulated bukake' scene with hand sanitizer. Hope that too many kid's dont get too truamatized for life when they watch the movie with the talking teddy bear, but maybe that's Seth's reason for making entertainment, a twisted "scared straight" program?
The third movie dragged the sinister "alien goo conspiracy" out into the daylight. In a wonderful example of hiding a conspiracy in plain sight, the chubby fat kid that does all those bisexual grooming comedies links Nickelodeon's sliming to the topic of this essay to the delight of preists and other secret pedophiles everywhere. Maybe I'm losing my common touch, my earthy humor or maybe my testosterone levels are rapidly declining, but this new goo-centric genre just dosn't make me snicker. The new forntier of the dick joke? At least when Woody Allen was playing a sperm it was tasteful and understated. John Cleese lecturing on human reproduction covered some of the same of the same territiry without being crass aoubt it. Implying that Nickelodeon is some green alien cum drenched pornography for spaece aliens and people who like to watch them fuck our kids is certainly drone worthy? Someone? Send a drone to that screenwriter's home Obama or he's going to write your kids into one of his next movies, and it will be too late then! I refuse to contaminate my computer with the scenes where they went too far, I love a good cannibalism joke and sang rugby songs abot all manner of sexual deviation in that classic song "the S and M man", because he mixes it with love or "drinking kool aid with Jim Jones", but sheesh, cum aint so funny you should spend 30 minutes paddling around in pools of it, should we?
The fourth movie was a little more subtle with it's refernce to alien goo. Very subtle. Colin Ferrel stars in this softcore gay porn recreating a Phillip K Dick story, "We can Remeber it for you Wholesale." In this movie the Scottish(?) eye candy is either shirtless or wearing a soaking wet skin tight shirt tee for over half of the movie. I guess this is the alien goo quivalent of Sport's Illustrated's swim suit catalog. That sexiest scot since Connery was Bond was so lovingly filled that i may have "MOVED JERRY (it may have) MOVED!" I knOOOOOOOOOOw, jeffery i know.....
This has been a public service announcement from Neanderthal Enterprises, Inc.
In the first film I viewed there was an expectation going in that there would be alien goo dripping from some scary monsters. Prometheus did not disappoint, following the tradtional Ridley Scott Aliens roadmap of a slow build up, menacing machine man, a scary dark outerspace setting, fantastic mansters and a nealyr naked women in distress. There was also a metaphorical alien goo scene to open the movie when an eight and a half foot albino alien mesomorph with completely black eyes take a sip of Jaegermeister and impregnates the planet Earth. I dug this flick alot, I'm a sucker for hot women in distress, the science was interesting and it was a great start to my day of avoiding Mother Nature's latest reminder that we are really fucking the world up. The next bit of goo was unexpected and unsettling and I didn't really notice the pattern until goo mive 3 in my marathon.
"Ted" started out boring with Jean Luc Picard setting up the story in fairy tale fashion as the narrator. Marky Mark apprently was a kid so low on the pecking order in Boston that the "yamacuh boy" who was being racially profiled and beaten took time from his beating to shoo the young New Kid on the Block away from his beating. It's a shame when the funniest scene in a movie is in ttroduction, but maybe Seth Macfarlane should stick to Quoahog animation, or hire a funnier dude to be the lead, who got out acted by a stuffed animal for most of the movie. Even Flash Gordon couldn't save this lame fest. Ok there was one other funny line a throwaway with the bear contemplating writing a complaint letter to Hasbro about not having a working male organ, but maybe that's the sequel, "Teddy Bear with a Boner"? The subtle goo in this film was whent the bear did a simulated bukake' scene with hand sanitizer. Hope that too many kid's dont get too truamatized for life when they watch the movie with the talking teddy bear, but maybe that's Seth's reason for making entertainment, a twisted "scared straight" program?
The third movie dragged the sinister "alien goo conspiracy" out into the daylight. In a wonderful example of hiding a conspiracy in plain sight, the chubby fat kid that does all those bisexual grooming comedies links Nickelodeon's sliming to the topic of this essay to the delight of preists and other secret pedophiles everywhere. Maybe I'm losing my common touch, my earthy humor or maybe my testosterone levels are rapidly declining, but this new goo-centric genre just dosn't make me snicker. The new forntier of the dick joke? At least when Woody Allen was playing a sperm it was tasteful and understated. John Cleese lecturing on human reproduction covered some of the same of the same territiry without being crass aoubt it. Implying that Nickelodeon is some green alien cum drenched pornography for spaece aliens and people who like to watch them fuck our kids is certainly drone worthy? Someone? Send a drone to that screenwriter's home Obama or he's going to write your kids into one of his next movies, and it will be too late then! I refuse to contaminate my computer with the scenes where they went too far, I love a good cannibalism joke and sang rugby songs abot all manner of sexual deviation in that classic song "the S and M man", because he mixes it with love or "drinking kool aid with Jim Jones", but sheesh, cum aint so funny you should spend 30 minutes paddling around in pools of it, should we?
The fourth movie was a little more subtle with it's refernce to alien goo. Very subtle. Colin Ferrel stars in this softcore gay porn recreating a Phillip K Dick story, "We can Remeber it for you Wholesale." In this movie the Scottish(?) eye candy is either shirtless or wearing a soaking wet skin tight shirt tee for over half of the movie. I guess this is the alien goo quivalent of Sport's Illustrated's swim suit catalog. That sexiest scot since Connery was Bond was so lovingly filled that i may have "MOVED JERRY (it may have) MOVED!" I knOOOOOOOOOOw, jeffery i know.....
This has been a public service announcement from Neanderthal Enterprises, Inc.
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